I am hurt that I have to do this, but the circumstance is such, that I must my dear. A confession must be recorded, a trial must be conducted, and our love must suffer, for this will damage our love in permanence and without which we will draw to each other again, no matter what. The time has come to draw the curtain and go back to being strangers.
Generally my recollection of past is torn, but not the moments we spent together. I was witty, you were classy; I was jittery, you were calm. I still remember when I told you “I want you in my life.” That was the most I ever stammered, and you, just stood there in silence like you didn’t hear me at all. Half a circle of a clock later, you said, “This isn’t right. It’s one thing to fool around. But beyond that, you could never…”
Your unspoken words crushed me, hurt me; made me angry. What was not to be was one thing, but the spite you filled me with was enough to drown all my goodness. I wanted revenge, and, I did. I got married.
As time passed, my anger simmered down, but I can’t say the same for the hate. I guess that was the way of my life now; like an old hat; a bad habit. But then even that wasn’t to be.
“She is very pretty,” my wife had said. “We should invite her over.” I still can’t say for sure whether, you planned to meet my wife, or if it was truly a coincidence. Either ways, it was a pivot I wish never happened.
She liked you, everyone liked you. Perhaps you knew. Perhaps that is what you wanted. A will and a desire for an unstrung love to anyone and everyone. Don’t worry, for me, you were still an ungrateful b$tch. A free spirit in one moment and a psychopath the next. How could I’ve been so blind, like that one time, when you got admitted to the hospital and doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong. it pained me to see you like that, and you like a cruel witch, had me escorted out all the way to my home, as if I was a mad puppy who if left loose would wag his tail back to you.
I wish you stayed away from my life, but with the sweet naivety of my wife, you and she had become good friends. It was the haunting smell of you around me, which had made me crave you again; and I was once again reduced to being a worthless addict. Even the wall of the skeletons of the past had begun to crumble. I knew it then, that it was no use to fight the urge, and I must accept the weakness in me and let the fire in my heart rage with flames of wet desire. The more nights you spent inside our home, the closer we became. It was like a teenage love, carefully we would march into separate rooms when we went to bed, and as night drew in, we’d sneak out.
We both knew it wouldn’t last forever. I can’t say for sure what rattled the strings, but my wife has told me in no uncertain terms that you don’t belong in our lives anymore. Maybe it’s because we have two kids now, and the looseness of life can’t fit in anymore; or, she just doesn’t like you anymore; or, maybe she knows about us. Even if she doesn’t know, she will know now, and that is our retribution, our penance. The way I see, it isn’t about what she wants but it’s my time to think about my family. And where are we anyway? What is our relationship? You can’t answer it, I can’t answer it. So why ruin my beautiful family for something that is as fluid as an august cloud.
This is adios, my love. I made myself a promise that I will let you remain in anonymity, but I am sorry to break it. Call me a pig, call me a loser, call me whatever you want, but I want you to hate me and I want to hate myself for making you hate me. So here it is, the end of us – Ms. Gray BMW 325i.
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